writing exercise #2

so, our next assignment was to write another page of script, this time using a lot of new stuff that we learned in class: how to describe panel layout and format, verbally describing art direction and mood/tone, different visual cues, etc. and thusly, its a lot less dialog heavy than the first one. but a good step, i think.

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[As continued after assignment 1, a few days later.]

1) [Establishing shot. A wide shot on a mostly deserted city street, made up of rows of dingy looking brownstone apartments and bodega style stores. Its early fall, heavily raining and cold. This top panel should be unframed and run the full width of the page, right to the edge. The background while they're out on the street should be fairly drab colors: blues, grays and browns. The few colors on the page should come from street lights, traffic lights, and neon store lights.]
[XX and XY are walking down the street, on the far right of the panel. XX is wearing a fully-buttoned jacket with the hood over her head. Her hands are held in her pockets with her shoulders shrugged tightly around her neck. She has a satchel style bag slung around her neck and shoulder. XY is wearing a scarf and jacket with the collar pulled up around his neck. He has a black umbrella held low in front of him with one hand obstructing his head and upper face from the reader and any prospective observers on the street.]

2) [They're both now walking towards the camera. XX is looking surly. The top of XY's face is still covered; you can see he's holding a small slip of paper with an address on it in his free hand.]
XX: I'm really glad you made me come to the far side of town in the freezing rain...
XX: ...AND you take my umbrella.
XY: Look. I really can't help that I have this extremely conspicuous branch sticking out of my forehead.

3) [From the side again. The door a few steps in front of him has the address that he's looking for scraped into the paint.]
XX: And I don't have any hats that could cover it. An umbrella was the only... (He stops himself when realizes he's right in front of the door he's looking for.)
XX: We're here...

4) [They're standing in front of the door next to each other; their backs to the reader.]
XY: I can't believe you're actually doing this.
XY: You scoffed when I told you to go to a doctor...
XY: ...but jumped at the opportunity to go to a some gypsy voodoo priestess.
XX: She's not a voodoo priestess...

[montage of small panels overlaying the main panel; all are views from inside the shop. The color palette should be much warmer, but still slightly dark.]
5a) [small square in upper left: Several small, irregularly shaped and sized bells jingle as the opening door hits them.]
5) [main panel: XX opening the door and walking in; pseudo-bird's eye view, as if looking down from the rafters.]
XX: (continued from last panel) ...She's a psychic.
5b) [small square along the bottom right: Jars of different shapes and sizes are up on a shelf on the wall; a series of cut jewels hangs from the shelf on strings.]
5c) [small square along the bottom right: Several brass scientific-looking instruments are on top of a console-style table with lots of tiny drawers on the front; a cat is asleep and partially hanging off the edge.]
5d) [small square along the bottom right: open books, news papers, and cards are strewn on top of an old wooden table; a cup of tea is sitting on the table near a chair, still steaming; there is a doorway behind the table with a fabric panel/curtain covering the opening.]

6) [Wide-angle panel, XX and XY (only shown from the shoulder up) are facing away from the reader, with their heads quickly spinning around to look the other way; both have expressions of apprehensive surprise.]
Voice (from off panel): Have a seat. Don't touch anything.
Voice (from off panel): ...damn kids...

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ambur had some really good input that i need to name them... which i know is completely true. i have trouble writing and and keeping track of the xx/xy, let alone someone who is just reading it. but i think this is really a story that i want to continue writing (and drawing at some point), and i don't want to just slap names on them. i'd be afraid that they would get stuck in my head and wouldn't be able to see them as anything else. maybe i'll do some character studies (which i think we're learning about in class tonight) to flesh them out a bit more. maybe then some names will come to me. anyone have any suggestions?